Arg my god, words can not describe at the moment how stressed out I am. I'm so stressed that half the time I'm in total lock-down just not knowing what the hell to do. This year at university they have really thrown us in the deep end. It's been so long since we've been at uni, now all this. . .I'm overwhelmed with deadlines. One week from the next seems to be over and gone before I have time to think.

Over the weekend I set myself up a twitter and also a YouTube account relating to my work anyways;
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I do have good news in that my landlord has agreed that I can have my dog over for a week whilest my parents are away on holiday however. I know it'll be great, but now I'm stressing over the extra time she'll take up giving her walks, ARG! I'm still excited that I get to look after her though, I miss her real bad being here. I love how excited she gets when I go home, makes a person feel loved lol.

Had my first uni year two day yestaday. It was very surreal seeing everybody again, but so good. This summer got ever so boring, so it was nice to have something to do. We're going to Leeds Expo tomorrow, it's a free festival about music, should hopefully be interesting. At the very least I've never been to Leeds before, so it's a new experince

Thankfully my loan came through on time so that I can pay the rest of the rent I owe. I felt slightly guilty about not having all the money on time, especially when I'm bugging the landlord about the shower, which has took to constantly running. Hopefully somebody will come and fix it and the temperature control today so I can finally get a proper shower.

I start proper lessons on Monday, even if I don't have my timetable yet. I am really nervous about it and self-doubt about if this is the course for me is creeping back in. I want to do something in the creative field, but if animating is the thing I want at the end I'm not so sure anymore. I guess I'm just dissapointed at my lack of progess, but at the same time I should have got my thumb out more this summer and practised. With everything going on with my Dad, I've found it harder then usual to get motivated.

About my Dad anyways is that he is finally home again. His last lot of treatment made him really ill, and although he's nowhere near feeling like his old self, he'd at least on the mend and eating, as he didn't eat anything for over two weeks whilest in hospical.

Okay so it's happened and from the bruise on my leg from walking into a coffee table I know I'm not dreaming. It's September and on Tuesday I moved in with my boyfriend. That first day at Storthes this time last year I cried as I knew it wasn't the right envirnment for me and although I liked that little room, the things around it, what people did (aka the party life-style) wasn't me. Before that I didn't think I was ready to move in with Dan, but as soon as I moved into Storthes I knew that I was, even if as a couple we most likely wasn't ready.

It's going to take some ajustments, such as doing my weekly shop with someone who's halfing the bill (which actually means I buy less) will get old pretty quickly, but at least I should eat better, rather then £1 ready meals full of crap thats made me put on a stone of weight this past year

He's going out tonight, which means I get my own space, but it's a little odd having a whole house to myself at the moment. Even at my parents of years of them going out every saturday, I never got used to that, I guess I'm just a wuss when it comes to the dark XD

You may have remember in my last journal I was complaining about lack of sleep, well now I have some sort of illness which is making me tired, feel sick and really sensitive to smells regradless of how much I'm sleeping and taking naps during the day so I'm still tired, even if for different reasons

I just feel really frustrated lately with my artwork too, whenever I start something it turns out bad right from the beginning and as such I've really lost all focus. Just seeing everybody elses art-work and how far people have come in such a short time whilest I'm still stuck where I was 3, 4 years ago is realy getting me down. I know that I should pick myself up, quit complaining and get practising, but I'm finding that more difficult then usual at the moment. I'm starting to get a hatred for people with natural talent lol. Everything always seems to take me twice as long to catch up and I'm so afriad that in this business of artwork and animation I'm well and truely screwed.

I'm hoping that once university starts again, and when we have our Visual Studies classes at least then I'll be picking up a pencil again. I am so so scared however as I really can not remember how to use the programs we used last year, and I know we're going to be more bombed out with work this time round.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Anyways, Eternal's going to try and pick herself back up and draw something now, but I don't expect it'll turn out good. I know that I just need one piece I'm vaguly proud of to get me back in the mood for this sort of stuff, but I've no idea when that will come about.

Since it's been almost a month since my last journal, I thought it was about time for a new one.

The unhappiness of Chloe dying has now gone away into faint heart-ache. I still think about her alot, but usually about the good things that made me laugh. I remember how she used to launch her-self at doors to try and get into rooms an then you'd hear this frustrated meow. She was certainly a persistant one XD

My Dad can't have his operation anymores due to how close the tumour is to his wind-pipe. He will now be having five weeks of radiotherophy, with two weeks of chemo inside that which he starts next week. The doctors seems posistive that this is the best way to go without causing long-term complications.

As for myself I've been spending far too much time online lately. I don't really have the motivation to do much else. I keep thinking about things I want to draw, but just can't seem to get the idea's on paper. I have thought of a couple of random sketchbook projects I want to do however, it's just I don't have the sketchbooks to do it!

I've also been looking at fur-suits alot (*sniff* the expense!), and generally thinking alot about my furry side. I always considered other people I knew to be them an never gave it much thought until recently when I look back at my life an my reaction to certain things and realise I do fit into that category. It's a kind of relief to have something positive about myself to hold onto, but also abit wierd, as I know other people can find it strange or think your into yiffing, which well, lets not even get into that one lol.

I've not been sleeping well lately, which I'm sure is half of what's making me unmotivated. I've just been very restless. The other night I woke up and my sleepy brain didn't reconise my own room and I had a minor panic for about 5 seconds, which was odd and also gives you an idea of my sleep lately and how I'm falling asleep during the day.